I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
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