He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
