I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
