i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
