I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
