There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
