Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
