My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
