We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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