Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
