Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
