so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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