Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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