You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
