so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize