he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
my being single is dangerous.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
