no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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