Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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