She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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