I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
