Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
