I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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