and you said cock pushups were impossible
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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