By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
