are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
