flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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