Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
