Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
