Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
