i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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