This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
