you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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