Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
