he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
