I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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