I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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