I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
