All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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