I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
