She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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