i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
