I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
