I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize