I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize