so explain again why im purple
no
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I AM VODKA MAN
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
