We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
