2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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