Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize