It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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