is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
