I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
