I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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