hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
