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careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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