I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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