what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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