Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
