he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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