i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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