Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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