we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
