hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
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