God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
