my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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